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Fangs Everywhere

Monday, November 1, 2004

Fangs, fangs, everywhere!
Creepin' and a-crawlin' through your hair!
Fangs, fangs, all about,
You got a pair o' fangs hangin' underneath your snout!

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Tom the Snoutful



Tom the Snoutful went to work
For Target Greatland as a clerk.
"I say!" he said, "There was a day
When VCs wooed me with bouquets!"

Tom the Snoutful pokes the buttons,
Cash drawers openin' and shuttin'.
"I say!" he said, "There was a day
When o'er the .com court I held sway!"

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Reviewing the Troops



Fangs in boots, fangs with snoots,
Fangs in double-breasted suits!
Fangs go here, fangs go there,
Fangs sport large-bouffanted hair!

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A Weasel with Tusks



If I were an enormous weasel with tusks,
I'd sit in a puddle and snort in the dusk.
The dusk would be lovely for snorting in puddles;
Large tuskèd weasels are easily befuddled.

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The Whispering Weasel



by Tom

The whispering weasel put up his easel
And laid out his painting tray.
"To paint a nice lake is not a mistake"
he thought as he got underway.

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The Math Cheer



by Tom

Math!! Math!! Let's do Math!!
Love it or endure its wrath!!
For CS majors, that's the path,
So come on, bring on the Math!

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Green Shoe Blues



I got the green shoe bluuuues,
Stomped on by a large green shoooooooe.
Now my poor foot is flat as my old pickup's tires,
I wonder if the circus would take me for hire.

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Thomas A. Jones and the DoE Drones



I know a large fellow named Thomas A. Jones,
He applied for a job with some DoE drones!
When on interview the joint's president,
He discovered the operation went on in a tent!

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Snouts Galore



Paws, fangs, snouts galore,
Pokin' at the windows and underneath the door.
Furry things wanting to be taken for walks
Down to the lake to snuffle by the docks.

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Hangin' Snood



O a pair of fangs was flyin' along,
Mindin' they own business, weavin' through the throng,
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
Them fangs was caught up in a hangin' snood!

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Wodehouse



by Tom

When you're weary and depressed
Fatigued more, enjoying less
Keep some Wodehouse by your bed
And stuff some--each night--in your head

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Fanglets on Ice



In all the world there's naught so nice
As fresh-picked fanglets served on ice!
A bed of lettuce, minced just so,
Upon which lovely fanglets go.

You might like them with plum tomatoes (others favor spice).
Can't recommend yellow dwarf of potato with a dish of wild rice.
Howsoever you prefer them, no matter what the price,
In all the world there's naught so fine as fresh fanglets on ice!

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Ollie Likes the Gravy



Sung in a rich, throaty baritone. Listen as you read!
Listen 600KB WAV For broadband visitors, a (low quality) recording of Karen singing this new classic!

Ollie likes the gravy,
La la la la la!
Ollie likes the gravy,
He puts it on his paw!

Ollie likes the gravy,
He drinks it with a straw!
Ollie likes the gravy,
He licks it from his jaw!

Ollie likes the gravy,
On frozen chunks he'll gnaw!
Ollie likes the gravy,
Sits on them till they thaw!

Ollie likes the gravy,
O the pictures he will draw!
Ollie likes the gravy,
Of it he is in awe!

Ollie likes the gravy,
Likes it in his maw!
Ollie likes the gravy,
For it he breaks the law!

Ollie likes the gravy,
Without it he'll withdraw!
Ollie likes the gravy,
It's his tragic flaw!

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Karen! Oh Karen!



by Tom Jones

Karen is a coder who lives up near the Bay
The boys all come to find her but she just says "Go Away!"
The boys they come after her but she'll have none of that
That Rufus boy who loved her, on him she just spat.

Karen! Oh Karen! I gave my heart to Karen!
She stomps and spits and chews it up, and leaves me all a-swearin!
I told her I loved her and would follow her for life
And all she did was growl at me and poke me with her knife

That Karen girl she likes boys loud but only picks 'em quiet
And them, you see, they be the ones she wants to throw a pie at
They drive her mad with addled love and adore her till she's sick
Maybe someday she'll figure out the good ones how to pick!

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Festering Minions



Festering Minions
Wasting away their full days
Up to nothing good
by Tom

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Hunger



Looming kitten lurks,
Tries to climb into my bowl.
He wants my chowder.

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The Devil Spawns a Server



I worked yesterday.
Nothing changed; now I spite you.
Accept files I won't.

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Rocket Weasel



The feline weasel
Ricochets off the sofa,
Tips the haiku lamp.

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Gym-ho



To the gym goes Tom.
Filling doorways, menacing
The petite, he toils.

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Oh, did you want that?



Crunch goes my server.
I will not start that process.
Can't authenticate.

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