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Good Intentions

Friday, November 30, 2007

I'm so full of good intentions,
I hardly ever do the stuff I mention.
Seems that I should realize,
But I thought of the greatest thing last night!
- to the tune of "Good Intentions" by Toad the Wet Sprocket

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Great Slothsome Beast

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

What do you do with a great slothsome beast
Who has always got his nose in the Fancy Feast?
I tried dancing and singing, but his chowing never ceased!
He consumes 15 pounds every day at least!
- to the tune of the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

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If I Could Save Pandora in a Bottle

Friday, August 26, 2005

If I were a cat named Pandora,
Thinking everyone hated me,
I'd cower and skulk to minimize my bulk,
And if anyone noticed, I'd flee!
- to the tune of "Time a Bottle" by Jim Croce

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Elvira's Lament

Thursday, July 28, 2005

If I were an overweight feline,
The first thing that I'd go and do
Is to eat all my food in a jiffy,
And then, I would come whine at you.

I would claim that I had never eaten.
At least, not in recent years!
I'd howl and moan in a hungerous tone,
Crying giant wet starving cat tears!
- to the tune of "Time a Bottle" by Jim Croce

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Flue

Friday, July 1, 2005

If I were a bountiful ground sloth, locked up in a sooty fire flue,
I'd pine and I'd moan, in lusty o'ertones, and if that didn't work, I'd mew.
I'd wiggle and shake and cause little earthquakes of the loveliest iridized hue,
Scattering drops in puddling plops from the branches of nearby dewed yew.
- to the tune of "Time a Bottle" by Jim Croce

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Shower Cat

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Oh you can find a kitten in the bathroom by the tub.
He's got his bathing cap on; he's mewing rub-a-dub-dub!
But when I turn on the shower, this same kitten flees!
He doesn't want to get in the water and take a bath with me.
- to the chorus of "Epic Moon" by Clare Fader

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Gurzbagsome

Friday, April 22, 2005

I had a dream and you were in it.
The length of your snout was infinite.
You had become gurzbagsome,
Which was just what I'd expected!
- to the tune of I Don't Believe You by The Magnetic Fields

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Bad

Monday, March 28, 2005

I've been an awful kitty all my life!
I cause mayhem and endless strife!
I hide the cat toys one by one,
Then I lie about on my back in the sun!

I want to taste your dinner, smell the outside!
Go out and drag in something that has died!
When there's nothing to destroy, then I am sad!
Look out world, I'm a kitty that's bad!
- to the tune of "Bad" by Kirsty MacColl

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Stoats in a Bucket

Monday, March 14, 2005

by Tom Jones

If I could save stoats in a bucket,
The first thing that I'd go and do
Would be to save up some stoats in a bucket,
And then I would dump them on you!
- to the tune of "Time a Bottle" by Jim Croce

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Binomial Heap Rag

Saturday, February 26, 2005

The heap is splintered.
The roots unordered.
The degrees are random!
They don't increase.
- to the tune of "Cabin Fever" by Clare Fader

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