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A Fish in the Maw

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A fish in the maw is worth two in the paw,
But a fish in the freezer should be set out to thaw.
If it must be consumed while frozen and raw,
Then it must be divided by claw and by saw.

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Valentine Sentiments

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Roses are red, weasels are blue.
If you weren't a gurzbag, you wouldn't be you.
Though you're a great heaving snout, I don't wish you the gout,
And you're much more fun than the average dumb lout.

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Steaming Stoat Boats

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Stoat boats, stoat boats, over the bounding main!
Stoat boats, stoat boats, steaming like a train!
The sun comes out and warms the wet stoats,
And clouds of vapor rise from their wet coats!

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On the Effects of Fashion

Friday, July 14, 2006

A marmot with a trench coat takes an elegant paddle-wheel boat;
a stoat with bad toupé is casually tossed in the moat.

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The Weasel and the Catamaran



Gad flies, gad flies, over the bounding main!
Eaten by omnivorous weasels under toodstools in the rain!
One weasel chose to thumb his nose at a passing catamaran,
And to his fervent, hairy dismay, a third world war began!

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Suffering Network Security

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I think that I
Shall surely die
Of great ennui
And then I'll flee.
No more to hear
X.509
My ears would cheer.
That would be fine.

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Intro to Algorithms Blues

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Theoretical worst runtime!
Thinking about it makes my heart rate climb!
Math will push me to the brink,
I'll drown myself in the kitchen sink

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Tea Pots

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

by Paul

If I had two pots of tea
(a pot for you and a pot for me)
we would place them upon catapults
(in between doing somersaults)
and launch them afield
to land with great yield
on those we had judged to have other faults.

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Buckets of Goo



If I had two buckets of goo,
(A bucket for me and another for you)
We'd carry them both to an upper floor
(I'd choose three but you'd demand four),
And dump them out windows to vanquish our foe
Who we'd observed skulking in the alley below.

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A Winsome Toadstool

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

If I were a winsome toadstool
With ears like a bottomless pool,
I'd cast out spore clouds
Like oviparous shrouds
Of mushroom propagational fuel.

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Minked



With my eyes squeezed tight like a sphincter,
I gingerly sampled her pungent tincture.
My eyes glazed o'er,
For she is a great bore,
But she squealed so nice when I minked her.

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If I had a thousand biscuits

Thursday, April 21, 2005

by Tom Jones

If I had a thousand biscuits
Toss them all your way, I'd do
If I had a hundred hamsters
I would stuff them in your flue
If I had a dozen weasels
I would hide them in your loo
If I knew a single menace
Well, by jove, that would be you

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Shrimp Tempura

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

You draw me without fail
with your battered crispy tail!
I'd trudge through wind and hail
And brave the strongest gale!

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Fangs Everywhere

Monday, November 1, 2004

Fangs, fangs, everywhere!
Creepin' and a-crawlin' through your hair!
Fangs, fangs, all about,
You got a pair o' fangs hangin' underneath your snout!

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Tom the Snoutful



Tom the Snoutful went to work
For Target Greatland as a clerk.
"I say!" he said, "There was a day
When VCs wooed me with bouquets!"

Tom the Snoutful pokes the buttons,
Cash drawers openin' and shuttin'.
"I say!" he said, "There was a day
When o'er the .com court I held sway!"

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Reviewing the Troops



Fangs in boots, fangs with snoots,
Fangs in double-breasted suits!
Fangs go here, fangs go there,
Fangs sport large-bouffanted hair!

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A Weasel with Tusks



If I were an enormous weasel with tusks,
I'd sit in a puddle and snort in the dusk.
The dusk would be lovely for snorting in puddles;
Large tuskèd weasels are easily befuddled.

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The Whispering Weasel



by Tom

The whispering weasel put up his easel
And laid out his painting tray.
"To paint a nice lake is not a mistake"
he thought as he got underway.

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The Math Cheer



by Tom

Math!! Math!! Let's do Math!!
Love it or endure its wrath!!
For CS majors, that's the path,
So come on, bring on the Math!

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Hurkling Gurzbag

Thursday, January 1, 2004

Tom is a hurkling gurzbag of glee!
He hurkles and causes young women to flee.

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